Yet again, another small group of women gathered, talking… about themselves and their lives. Ten women on a Saturday morning, coming together for almost four hours when each could so easily have been doing many other things.
In what seems like only moments, each looks around the room and sees herself reflected in the eyes of every other, with each of the others an expression of some aspect of her own consciousness. The messages… the invitations… all there and waiting. The trick is: are we both willing and able to hear? Will the discomfort of revelation keep us trapped in our unwillingness to decloak and be seen? Or this time, will the urgency to live fully be enough to stop us from slipping away, hiding once again under the cloak we have designed of compliance with and adherence to an other-defined reality? As we begin, it’s too soon to tell….
Within the first 10 minutes, the gates blow open wide and the expression/experience of ‘intensity’ surges through the energetic field of this small, awake and enlivened collective. Not one is left untouched, each noticing what is most relevant for her.
Some discover their new and heightened capacity to be present to intensity without experiencing fear or the need to stop anything… or shut it down. Another discovers that the vibration of intensity activates that same note in her as she allows herself to claim that intensity, even though it might wear a different cloak. This time, not one of anger/frustration/rage but one of sadness/fear/anxiety. No matter what word we put to it; no matter what shape it takes, it is less about what we call it and much more about the depth to which we experience it in our own body. The body is always the instrument that calibrates for experience. The intellect can observe and tell the story… but the body ‘knows’ in the moment in ways that far surpass the story that will follow.
It’s not always fun. Uncertainty. The realization that no one else is going to fix it. The requirement to take hold of the direction of our lives with both hands and choose how to live our unfolding lives. Without exception, no matter what direction we choose, there will be consequences. The question becomes: which direction will take us to where we want to go? Which consequences will allow us to unfold into the truth of who we already know ourselves to be? And which will keep us hostage to the illusion we already know we’re living?
The pressure to keep to the culturally-refined and life-long bargain of a fixed ‘reality’ is great. A voice inside each says, “Don’t go too far! Don’t press THAT edge! Keep doing this and there will be no going back!” We pause… we take a breath… and we grudgingly acknowledge that who we have been will not take us to who we want to become. We also recognize our own resentment… our own frustration and rage and grief… that it is so. It is far more appealing to continue to invest our effort and energy… to invest ourselves… in holding on to what we were taught to believe would be ‘the truth that will set us free’. We know how to do that. And yet it’s too late. We already know that it’s not so.
What’s left? Well, we can start looking outside ourselves - again! - for a new guru; a new leader/master/authority figure/fixer/savour… or we can face the truth of our own experience. In that moment, there is a sickening and sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach… a signal… that life as we know it is about to change. Warning bells go off in our heads and we know: one more step, and there is no turning back! To avoid that one more time means holding on to a lie that although familiar and one that we know how to manage, is still a lie.
No one knows better the truth of who we are - and can become - than we do. No one can offer us the formula, hand us the solution or guide us to the doorway and onto the path of our own unique expression of Self. As annoying as that can be; as terrifying and agitating and irritating; it is indeed, the truth that will set us free.
How do we live that? How do we get up in the morning without an external framework to mold ourselves to? Without a collective to identify with? Without someone else’s roadmap to show us how to become? How do we face each breath as whole in itself, carrying on its wave of life the information that will allow us to become… and welcome the next… and the next… and the one after that? How do we let go of what has been so densely and intensely packed into our ages-old conditioning that has defined and shaped who and WHAT we believe ourselves to be; and all the limitations that go with it?
This is not about changing how we do something inside the neatly defined box of ‘reality’. This is about redefining ‘reality’ and manifesting an expression of it that we might carve out an authentic and meaningful path of our own.
For this small group of courageous and adventurous women, looking to the past to design their future is no longer working. For them, it’s not enough to move incrementally toward their own ‘becoming’. They’re ready for leaps! A ‘leap’ takes more energy… is more intense… covers more ground, faster!… and demands an expression of power and thrust that far too many women have come to fear in themselves. It also demands unwavering trust… and faith… in ourselves and in our ability to engage effectively. When it comes to leaping, half-measures don’t cut it. Today, this small living collective took the risks and awakened to something different.
We are growing tired of the sound of our own voices repeating what we know does not work! We are losing interest in the telling… and telling again!… of our stories, long ago embellished that we might not bore ourselves to death. Our interest in and desire to invest ourselves in what was is rapidly waning and we are desperate in our search for what else… for how else to live. And perhaps more than anything else, our willingness and ability to trust what moves inside us is beginning to outpace our need to be approved of and applauded by others.
In these small groups of women gathering, talking… we are finding ourselves and coming face-to-face with what we have long suspected and often desperately denied to ourselves: my life is up to me. Without exception and without apology.
In that realization, I wonder what world we will create?
June 29th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Insights |
one comment
A small group of women recently gathered for an Emerging Futures conversation about what it is to be an Entrepreneurial Woman.
Trusting ourselves and each other; without agenda or defined outcomes or targeted results, we took the exploration far beyond the suffocating confines of a business interpretation and moved it much closer to home… to the core of who we choose to be in the world… and significantly altered how we see the profound connection between ourselves and the world in which we live.
There is no world ‘out there’. What we call ‘reality’ is indeed nothing more than a feedback loop to let us know how we’re doing at this game of living. Do we really like what we’ve created?
During our time together, we explored what it means when I say that “My very life is a metaphor for how I’m choosing to live it.” Our lives are not real - they are a sensory cornucopia that makes it impossible for each of us to NOT notice that the choices we’re making are manifesting a deep and highly personal truth that each of us carries. When we stop to explore what that truth is; when we become more willing and able to claim it and own it as our own, our world expands and the essential Space required for us to transform our lives (and our collective ‘reality’) opens up. We can breathe again!
With this realization, it becomes possible to pause… and notice that we are indeed, already the creator of it all. Owning and claiming the immensity of that Force that we already are, we then are faced with the decision: do we invest ourselves in ‘trying’ to change the world we’ve already created, or do we invest ourselves in creating the world we want? Do we look back or do we move forward? We seem to be mesmerized by the unending and thankless process of ‘trying’ to change the world we’re in; of attempting to deconstruct matter from the bottom up rather than recognizing that we create matter from the top down; that thought flows through a manifestation spiral and ultimately becomes matter… becomes the ‘reality’ that we call ‘truth’ or ‘fact’ and are so doggedly committed to and yet held hostage by when indeed, it is nothing more than the manifestation of an intention long forgotten. It becomes helpful to notice what intentions we choose mindfully and which ones we simply repeat because someone told us to, at a time so long ago and forgotten that we cannot even make sense of it in our own minds. In our confusion and chaos, we just keep plodding along…
It was truly an honor for me to be part of this small group of women gathering, talking… about what is most profoundly meaningful to them, in their lives. In this moment, I know that I am not the same. I also know that every other woman in that room is profoundly changed, each having become more willing and able to be shamelessly present to the truth of who she is; and to allow that truth to be seen by any and all who choose to notice. What may have begun with hesitation and uncertainty has become a personal declaration of unwillingness to be anything other than awake, fully present and mindful of those moments when what we choose determines the direction of our lives.
What became clearly evident to all who were present is that indeed, women are the key. Despite the acquired capacity that women have to be beasts of burden to their own secrets; to continue to press down and press back the truth that they carry about themselves, the quality of their lives and their impact on others, they also carry the capacity to allow that truth to flood their bodies, transform their lives and propel them into expression of the force of creation that they already are. Once freed from the body into voice, the vibration that they become pierces through the veneers of ‘acceptable’ and ‘normal’, fracturing the illusions that are shrouded in what should/must be and creating the space within which potential can unfold. In that moment, a new way of being awakens to itself and life changes.
Far beyond the simple miracle of birth that is impossible without women, there are other miracles of birth that simply cannot be without women. The birth of a new way of engaging with each other. The birth of a more powerful way to connect to Self and our physical world. The birth of a transformative way of expression sourced not by ‘doing’ but by ‘being’. All of these - and so much more! - are the gifts that women bring to a physical universe. And yet, for any of it to be so, women must first awaken to themselves. It cannot be otherwise. What we manifest when we are awake is very different from what we manifest from our coma of cultural bondage. But we will nonetheless, manifest.
Only women who are awake can awaken other women. The vibration of who we are must precede the sound we become in a physical world. And with that sound, the walls that trap us in a collective untruth will crumble.
June 17th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Events, Insights, leadership |
one comment
Today, a small group of women gathered… talking… each woman speaking to what mattered most to her in the moment. No agenda; no notes; no pre-determined outcome. Just each of us, in turn when we were drawn to, willing to be fully present, authentic and engage!
These women are passionate about living meaningful lives. As a result, the conversations are equally intense and frequently (ultimately and predictably) turn to include our early family experiences. As the Jesuits knew a long time ago, we are indeed, shaped by the time we’re seven. The good news is, it’ s not fatal! We can awaken to the effect of cultural conditioning (brain washing, mind share, etc - call it what sits best with you…) and choose to engage otherwise. However, to attempt to do so on a platform of pretending our history has not shaped us is a recipe for failure.
Part of this early family systems experience requires an acknowledgement of loss of innocence. In truth, I know of no one who has been spared. And the innocence of which I speak is not about youth or naivete. Nor is it necessarily a dictionary-bound definition of innocence - it is much more powerful than that.
The innocence of which I speak is tied to a capacity to trust the world, trust myself and trust my ability to not only navigate my world with safety but with a boundless sense of joy and adventure! It is a state of being that says ‘YES!’ to everything, knowing profoundly that I am creating my world as I go; and that the world I am creating will source and nurture and not only sustain me but allow me to grow and expand and become more!
The innocence of which I speak is a force of being… an outflow of energy that emanates from the core of who I AM… that says “This is my world and in my world, I am master of my own outcomes.” It is a force of being that trusts that all things are possible; that life will prevail; that choices determine outcomes and my choices are of my own design. This innocence… this state of being… allows me to look around at my world and find excitement and joy and adventure in everything that draws the eye. It is a way of seeing… a way of staying connected to mySelf and being able to connect to others. It is an open heart/open hand way of moving through from one moment to next, without any sense of harm existing as a possibility in my universe. Innocence as a force of being stands on a platform of complete safety - inside and out - and is fed by an insatiable curiosity about the ‘more’ for which (I believe) we are intended and designed.
And then, in the midst of all this, along comes ‘reality’. In the midst of my innocence ’state of being’, I am birthed into a context - a larger collective called ‘family’, however it is defined in my particular experience of it - and the innocence of who I AM now begins to unfold within the context of this larger collective. For far, far too many of us, those who shape and direct and mold this larger collective are themselves bereft of their own innocence, it having been taken a long, long time ago. Innocence lost will produce a sense of disconnect; innocence taken will produce vengeance and rage!
It is into these contexts that our own innocence seeks to express and survive. For most of us, we don’t stand a chance! So, we grow up in environments and in experiences where varying degrees of ‘assault’ are perpetrated upon the innocence of who we are on the inside, and the powerless of the small child that we are on the outside. For some, it is at the end of the continuum of being dismissed, disregarded or ignored. For others, it comes in the form of violence and assault of body, mind and spirit - whether directly on our being or witnessed in our own powerlessness as it is directed at others. No matter its content, its ultimate outcome is a deep and vast sense of betrayal - of Self, of our world and of the ability of our Self to function effectively in that world. And in that moment, I am lost to my innocence. I must disconnect in order to survive.
There is great power in innocence as a state of being. In that state of being, I am both willing and able to trust - mySelf and yourSelf. I am willing to engage and move forward. I am able to know that I can choose, I can create and I can manifest my life as a reflection of these. I am without fear - not because I talk myself into it, or affirm myself into it, but because there is, in truth, no fear that moves through my body. I am able to see what can be and am not blinded by what is. I touch and am touchable. I move through my life, moment to moment, with my eyes open, my heart beat strong and resonating through the world around me; and I recognize that I AM all things and all things are who and what I AM in my world.
In innocence as my state of being, I am able to see through the eyes of the godforce that I AM and in each moment, recognize the same in you. My desire is to engage with you to co-create a life worth living.
Is there any wonder that we must find ways to strip our children of this force? This is a force of being that transforms the nature of who and what we are. This is a force of being that can profoundly reshape our world. In addition, if I have long ago known this force in my own being and I have had this stripped from me, my longing drives me to destroy it in others. If I can’t have it, then neither can anyone else! And from one generation to the next, the deed is repeated until we no longer remember who we are.
Can innocence, as a state of being… as a force… be reclaimed? I believe so. And it requires, first, that we awaken from the deep, deep coma of ‘cultural conditioning’; from what we have been told is ‘the truth’ or ‘reality’; and that we bring the full measure of that formidable awakened presence to bear in all that we choose. A re-awakening, reclaimed innocence brings with it the will to claim all that we have already become and all that we might be - and we honour that in each other. Only by taking back who I AM in the world will I ever find a place to stand that I might honour your doing the same.
May 31st, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Articles, Insights |
no comments
Thank you, Lucy, for you recent post in response to my observation that there is a storm brewing… I think you captured it all! And as I read your words, what is most present for me is that notion of ‘intensity’.
There is great power in our willingness and ability to make friends with our own intensity… to reclaim the territory of being FULLY ourselves, COMPLETELY engaged and UNAPOLOGETICALLY committed to the truth of our own experience. Without a doubt, in that choice we also become IRREVERSIBLY unmanageable! And in that same moment, a space opens up in which something genuinely new can take shape. Space…. Movement…. Flow. It all begins with Space. And without the willingness and ability to know what it is to relax into our own intensity, that which is often essential to dislodge the status quo sits bound and gagged in some dark corner of our being… waiting to escape. Space closes in and we remain bound to who we have always been.
So thanks, Lucy, for being willing to be so open, clear, honest and direct. I know that I am in good company!
May 25th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Events, Insights, leadership |
no comments
Lately, I’ve been drawn to and fascinated by any and all programs that address the forces of Nature. My favorites include pretty much anything on the Discovery Channel, not just for the content but for the often breathtakingly beautiful images that stream in front of my eyes. There are moments when, for no apparent reason (at least, not to me), I find tears streaming down my cheeks. What! What is that all about???
As I watch, I see a magnificent, living, sentient Earth. I hear the sounds of vibrancy and life. I feel Gaia. Inside myself, I know this story well.
It is the story of a woman who keeps trying to deal with what is thrown at her. The story of a living being who is willing and able; a living being who has the desire to contribute and to engage and to be part of a living community.
It is the story of a woman who is trying desperately to be patient; to be reasonable; to try just one more time; to go for one more day. It is the story of willingness coupled with ability, without the need or desire to surrender or let go. In these stories, the outcomes are the same: someone usually ends up dying.
Soon, I will be 58. I’ve been working with women since I was 18. The first 20 years were ‘informal’; the last 20 have been more ‘formal’ and through coaching, programs, retreats, etc. that have made it possible for me to work with thousands of women. That’s a lot of stories!
I found my way into the work that I do quite by accident. It was not always about working with women. And although I spent almost the first 15 years of my business working with both men and women, it has become very clear to me where my heart lies. I got tired of watching women die - in body, mind and spirit.
Women who had lost their edge and had subsequently lost themselves. Our culture is not fond of ‘edgy’ women! It is much preferred that we not be so… well.. sharp! But then, that is one of the things that comes with edges. They can be well honed.
Women who had become so detached from their own sense of self, it never occurred to them to tend to their own needs; to take what they required. Our culture is not fond of women who have become unwilling to ask and negotiate and wait their turn. Sometimes, we’re afraid of women who have become unwilling to wait to be invited to the table… and who simply pull up a chair!
Women who had so lost their sound, even their ability to breathe had become small and tiny and tight in their chest. Our culture is not fond of women who make noise; women who speak a booming ’NO!’ rather than whisper yet another ‘Please, sir, may I…. “. We become afraid when women are no longer soft and welcoming and inviting and agreeable. And in that awareness, we often hear “What has the world come to!!”
Our world has come to a crossroads and is rapidly approaching a flashpoint. Gaia can no longer swallow and digest and maintain the status quo on the toxins that fill her flows; the garbage that swells her surfaces; and the poisons that make it impossible for her to breathe. She is on the move, no longer willing to wait patiently for it to be taken care of by some ‘other’, while we review and ponder and pontificate about how bad it is or isn’t, whose fault it is and why its not ours. She is marshaling her forces - and they are formidable. Around the world, we are feeling the power of her awakened presence.
It is happening in my world, on all levels. It is happening with Gaia. It is happening with the women in my life. And it is happening inside myself. Forces are gathering inside each of us… where we live… and things are changing. Sometimes they change effortlessly as we move to create that which we desire. And sometimes, they change with chaos and tragedy as that which resists begins to crumble under its own weight. But however it goes, it is changing.
I received this note today from one of those amazing women I have called into my life to remind me to stay connected to myself. We are part of a small group of women gathering… to talk, at Oceanstone in June. Her words were stunning as I read and realized that she was a reflection of my own internal state and that of so many of the women I come to connect with. In her own words:
“For a while now, I have been noticing a number of things such as a feeling of intense boredom washing over me in the midst of an activity; frequent pressure/pain in my heart chakra area as old beliefs start to surface and shift; disruptions in who has authority in my life i.e. externally versus internally driven; in addition to huge waves of fire energy and an insistent and nagging desire for some massive change in my life. It is as if I am in the midst of something huge within me waiting to erupt … and I have no clue what it is about! Even (my husband) has mentioned that I have become so outspoken in expressing what I want in every day life that he hardly recognizes me as the woman he first met … and adds that I could be less mean and alot nicer about it … biatch! (Guess I am just not that nice little girl anymore … ah, finally, cuz I have been trying to lose that title for years!)
I have been paying attention to the things that I just could not care less about or that do not light me up anymore compared to those things that are heart felt and trigger my connection with my higher self. I have been noticing the choices that I make in my work that can bring me income (never a problem attracting that into my life) yet do not always offer me the meaningfulness that I say that I want. I am getting better at turning down clientele that would not be fulfilling to me. As I feel that I am gearing up for a new shift in what I will be creating, I wonder if my changing clientele are there to make it easier for me to let go when the time comes? I have also been noticing myself selected as consultant/advisor for the development of colleagues as they turn to me for guidance in their own coaching … a new realization of my natural leadership.”
I contacted Susan* to let her know that her words had moved me to express my own thoughts. I asked for her permission to include her thoughts in this blog, as I believe that she speaks for so many of us with such passion and power. When she responded, not only was she encouraging but having read this blog she added:
“What bubbled up for me is that, as I begin to allow this force within me to be expressed, I start to feel more alive. I feel like I am finally puttting mySelf at the forefront of my life instead of being in the background. And, the only way to create what I want now in my life is to be a force to be reckoned with (just like Gaia)!”
The words that flow from the internal truth of this one woman speak for so many voices yet to be heard. There is a storm brewing on the horizons of our lives. We can pretend that it is not so, as we have pretended for generations that women are powerless and victims and afraid. Or we can stop pretending and allow ourselves to see and be seen for the force that we already are.
Women gathering in small groups, talking… can change their worlds, when what we choose to talk about are the things that matter to us; the things that make a difference in the quality of our lives and the things that we already know that if we give ourselves permission to say out loud, life will never be the same again. Telling ourselves the truth is an act of courage. Telling our truth out loud to another human being is an act of transformation!
There is a storm brewing and it is increasing in density and intensity, with clouds beginning to gather as the wind picks up and gains strength. There is always a gathering of the wind before the storm comes. Already, I can feel the goose bumps as it ripples across my skin…
—————————————————–
*Susan Bremner - a WEL-Systems Catalyst™ and CODE Model Coach™ - is a National StarSkate Coach. She is profoundly committed to ensuring that young women are given the opportunity to fully express and excel in their chosen sport. To be successful, Susan has had to become the very thing that she invites in others!
Susan is contributing author to Sekhmet Rising: The Restlessness of Women’s Genius. Her chapter will profoundly move you, as well as motivate and inspire you to reconnect to the full measure of who you can become! For more information on Susan, visit : http://www.wel-systems.com/SekhmetRising/SusanB.htm
May 24th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Insights, Uncategorized, leadership |
2 comments
It seems like such an insignificant thing - to sit and be still until another Life has exhausted all that they have to share - and yet, it profoundly changes lives.
Women gathered in a small group, talking… and in that moment, shared a pact to be present and listen as one woman spoke the truth of who she had become. This was no small feat, as the agreement was that we would gather and share space; that we would be fully present, attentive and engaged; and that we would be there for whatever it took. We agreed that we would not interrupt, interfere, prod, poke, question, encourage, etc… we would just be there.
If it took 20 minutes, that’s what it took. If it took 6 hours, that’s what it took. And we would be there, fully present, for it all.
I remember years ago being part of a facilitated process with about 100 people. At one point, the lead facilitator left and a woman began to speak. About 20 minutes later, the lead facilitator left and the same woman was still speaking. The facilitator was outraged! How dare this woman take up all this time; and how dare the sitting facilitator allow this to happen! In a fit of affronted expertise, this same facilitator then asked the group, as a way of berating the sitting facilitator: ”How many of YOU would have allowed this to go on?!” In that group of 100, I was the only one who put up my hand. When asked why I would do such a thing, I answered: ”I believe that when she’s done, she’ll stop.”
Not rocket science. When we empty the vessel of who we are, we’re empty. In that moment, the space exists for more of who we can become to begin to pour in and fill the space. I have had the privilege to be witness to these Sacred Story tellings time and again. They have been as short as 10 minutes; and one went for 5 hours. Each is unique. And, when they are authentic and fully engaged - both from the place of the Storyteller and from those who have gathered in a circle to bear witness - they are profoundly powerful, life-transforming and a great and deep honour to be called to bear witness.
“With a MUCH clearer sense of who I have been since ‘48 and how I’d been ‘leading’ (mostly NOT) my life, I feel much more connected to ME here-and-now. The ‘process’ of letting whatever comes out of my mouth to vibrate through me and hover in the air was pretty damn powerful! Well designed, Louise!
Massive movements continued on Saturday night and especially Sunday as more of the lies I’ve been living and random stuff that I was unwilling to see came into my awareness. Even this morning I was still feeling like my throat had been ravaged by a blowtorch, and the sensation of hot air coming out of my mouth made me feel dragonlike. (Not a great feeling, by the way.)
I feel a lot better (since) earlier this afternoon when … I sat down for a serious ‘talk’ (aka me pulling myself up to the table WITH my edges). I stated how much more connected and awake I am NOW and how I am going to stay that way; i was (untypically) frank about how I see ‘our past/recent years together’ today; and I was as clear as I could be about what I want going forward. And I’m very very aware that I’ve no idea where I’m heading AND I’ll be ok - because I’m going to remember who I am NOW and I’m going to choose ME. And this time ’round, I truly believe I will. This feels different, inside.
One woman’s life has profoundly changed… and no one did anything to her or for her or with her. She simply allowed herself to be fully present to the truth of her own experience and claimed the Sacred Space within which it flowed: herself. All that she touches will no longer be the same. The people she loves and engages will be awakened to her presence in a way unavailable before this moment. Her choices - and her future - are clearly in her own hands AND NOW, she can see that.
Women gathering in small groups, talking… is a Sacred Space within which we can reclaim the full measure of who we are. There is nothing to do but be present, be still and engage. In that moment, Life does what it knows best how to do: it awakens us to who we are capable of becoming and makes it possible for us to engage!
May 6th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Insights, Outcomes |
no comments
If you take a look at the Blogroll on this site, you’ll find some new names. Amy McNaughton, Lucy Hensel, Marie MacPherson, Sarah Witherell and Sheila Winter Wallace are regular contributors through their personal blogs.
I find each of these women very willing to be seen; very willing to allow the truth of who each of them is in the moment be shared with us all. Not only do I find their willingness to decloak and invite me into their lives to be a breath of life-giving fresh air, I find their unrelenting courage and commitment to themselves profoundly inspiring!
Be sure to visit their blogs and bear witness to evolution in action. They are living examples of what it is to live an ‘emerging future’ as it unfolds, from one breath to the next.
April 24th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Insights, leadership |
no comments
We are such amazing creatures! I spend so much of my life with women and am constantly encouraged by our ability to detect the unseen, to hear the unspoken and to move that which appears to be immutable.
Amazing women. Powerful women. Women with innovative and unique ways to think about and talk about and engage. Women filled with intense passion and a desire to create, innovate and expand the expression of our humanity, for self and other.
Women who know a truth, buried deep and kept silent - but who know it nonetheless - and in spite of it all, continue to trundle through the ‘is’ of their lives rather than leave behind the people they care about. Women whose bodies have become a more powerful sensing instrument than anything that science has yet to create and who, despite this inner truth, choose to pretend they don’t know.
To me, this is like being an Olympic-calibre runner and choosing to nail one foot to the floor. We may get to move really, really fast AND it’s going to be painful and not get us very far. For sure, we’ll never be able to get our hands on the prize.
My search always is for the woman who is ready… the one who knows that it’s time to show up and be the truth of who she is. The one who recognizes that even though it may not be in her cultural conditioning, it is in her body to know that the only way she can ever create what she wants is to choose herself; that the only way she can ever give enough to her family is to choose herself; and that the people she loves will only discover how to love themselves when she has become the living model that makes it possible for them to know how.
I’m always looking for the woman who is ready…. the one who knows that ‘now’ is her time to lead; that leadership is an expression of the truth of who she is, not of what she knows or any templates or frameworks imposed by anyone else, no matter how well-meaning they may be; that her internal compass is the only one that will ever take her to where she is desperate to arrive.
I see them, time after time, and I am amazed at how comfortable they have become with hammer in one hand, nail in the other and a skilled and well-practised eye focused on the foot. Do we even notice when we’re doing this? Do we know how to name and claim that which contributes to our eagerness to start hammering… ensuring that we never really go very far or forget the pain? Do we think that this is in some way useful - to us or to anyone we care about? When you’re moving in a circle with your foot nailed to the floor , no matter how fast you go, you’re not going anywhere that you haven’t already been.
The women who work with me are few in number and immense in impact and potential. They change their lives and, from there, become a living example of what it is to change life. They change themselves and in so doing, become the ‘virus’ that invites change in others. They seep effortlessly into their collectives and communities, flowing through conversations and explorations, embracing the unknown and welcoming the invitation it carries to discover more of who they are - and who they might become.
The women who become willing to free themselves from their own bondage become the leaders in their own lives and in the lives of the people they care about. But, more importantly and more compellingly, they become the space within which others awaken to and discover the leader they are to become in their own lives…. and on and on and on it goes.
So, I wonder….. how have you nailed your foot to the floor? How many times in your life have you put aside what was/is deeply meaningful to you because someone else’s needs came into your awareness and became more important? How often have you become unwilling to hold to your commitment to yourself in the face of requests for you to commit to other things and other people? How often do you determine that it’s ok for you to have what you want/need as long as no one else wants it; or as long as having it does not cause someone else to notice their own unwillingness to take action in their lives? On the path to our full expression, there will always be distractions. The problems arise when we think that we should pay attention to them and engage them!
Women gathering in small groups, talking… often practice collective foot nailing - not because they want to, not because they have to, but simply because they know how to. What is familiar yet painful is often more attractive or bearable than what is unfamiliar, even though it will stop the pain.
I know these things intimately because I have lived these things… have been these things! I also took longer than many to discover that if I wanted to live, I would have to leave this practice behind - no matter what the cost. I have done so; have never looked back; and my life has never been more magical!
I, for one, am looking for the women who are ready to put down their hammers and discover what it feels like to really move!
April 24th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Insights, Outcomes, leadership |
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I spend a lot of my life with women gathering in small groups, talking… in person, on the phone, via email; from 5 minute chats to 5-day, in-depth explorations of potential and everything in between. During those conversations, it’s not unusual for women to explore what it takes for them to be ‘happy’… for them to wake up in the morning and be delighted by that simple fact : “I love being me!”
Clearly, a longer conversation ensues, starting with an exploration of what ‘happy’ means to each individual. What they quickly discover is that ‘happy’ is a label for something that is exceedingly personal to each one of us. One person’s ‘happy’ is another’s ‘challenge’ so we invest a good chunk of our curiosity wandering around in that for a while, seeking to discover what really lights us up!
We do eventually come to a realization that ‘happy’ is a state of being that can be maintained by a few simple and essential truths of living - and here they are. You’ll likely be surprised to discover that it does not have to take a lot of effort, does not have to be difficult and starts with a few simple things:
- Breathe - easily, regularly and deeply. Notice when you’re holding your breath and when you do, don’t beat yourself up for doing it wrong - just be gentle with yourself. Take two or three long, slow deep breaths and move on.
- Tell the truth. Not the one you think someone else wants to hear, but the one that fills your body. The struggle is not in knowing what the truth is - it’s in trying to figure out how to pretend that we don’t.
- Trust your instincts. Just follow the roadmap that your body offers you every minute of every day of your life and let the details get worked out as you go.
- Don’t say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’! What else can be said about that? Plain and simple - and will change your life.
- Stay in the tough conversations. Even when they’re uncomfortable, trust yourself to move through the conversations that you’ve been avoiding for hours, days or decades. The longer you’ve been pushing it away, the more important and life-altering you can be sure it will be.
- Choose what is meaningful to you. Not the ‘right’ thing or the ‘good’ thing or the ‘appropriate’ thing but the one that lights you up and makes you smile! The choices you make create the quality of the life you’re living. How do you like it so far?
Every day, I wake up and love being me! Every day, I take a few minutes to lie in bed and ask myself: ‘How does the lifeforce that I am choose to express myself today? How does the lifeforce that I am choose to live today?” - and then I get on with it, knowing that tomorrow i can change my mind and do something different.
And so can you.
April 1st, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Insights, Outcomes |
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Whether we call it so or not, it would seem that women are designed to meet the needs of others: our partners/mates/spouses; our parents and our children; our friends, colleagues, clients, neighbors… come to think of it, we find just about anyone but ourselves near the top of the list. And languishing near the bottom, maybe… maybe!… we find time for ourselves in the left-overs of our lives. We don’t talk about this. We go about our business appearing to be independent and self-determined when, in truth, we are anything but. This is not about any individual woman - this is about what has molded and shaped us all.
I just finished posting on my Emerging Futures blog, having pondered and digested a recent experience that left me feeling like I’d been punched in the gut. It was not the exchange between myself and this wonderful woman, it was the sour after-taste that left me uneasy and wondering what it was that simply would not just go away. Thanks to this conversation with this brave soul, I was able to really notice the degree to which we fall so easily into the habit of knowing that there’s something wrong with us; that we’re less than/not up to it/deficient in some way when we are faced with the challenge of staying true to ourselves in a collective of ‘others’ that we deem ourselves to be responsible for. This invisible, insidious, ghostly ’self’ seems to wrap around who we know we really are and won’t let us out! We can see where we want to go, who we want to be and how we want to move through our world… out there, just beyond reach… and yet it is as if we’re trapped in a shroud of our own cultural impositions that just will not let us go.
It reminds me of those times when I’ve watched a tv show where a spider catches its prey. Rolled and wrapped in this sticky, gooey fiber, the (usually) insect struggles for its life, its own resistance serving only to tighten the hold of the sticky-stuff of death. My guess is that the insect knows that it’s trapped in something outside itself. I’m not so sure that as women, we know any such thing. We just think it’s us - that there is something wrong with the way I am moving or not moving; speaking or not speaking; struggling or surrendering. The women that I’ve worked with often have no sense that the gooey, sticky harbinger of their own demise is nothing other than the ‘truths’ they’ve been told to live by.
How can it be that our own ‘truth’ will kill us? Perhaps it begins by noticing that this truth is not one of our own discovery, it is one that has been passed down, embedded and reinforced with significant consequences. Were we to actually allow ourselves to live by the truth of our own experience, we would recognize it for what it is - and move on.
Radio, books, tv, cd’s, programs, coaching, etc…. are full of people seeking desperately to free themselves…. of something!; seeking desperately to find their way back… to something! I’ve been in this ‘dance’ for more than 30 years and have seen wave after wave come and go - and here we sit, still seeking. Perhaps we need to look elsewhere for our own salvation. We’re long overdue to have our eyes adjust to the dim light so that we can see what is, in fact, tethering us to our own limitations. With a willingness to see, and with the potential to look through new eyes, we can begin to focus on the things that have always been just out of our awareness; just beyond our willingness to acknowledge, given our deeply entrenched and acquired skill of holding the party line; and finally allow ourselves to see what we see, hear what we hear and know what we know. In that instant, we are no longer the same.
It’s not you - it’s what you’ve been trained to think/believe/trust/hold as real and true. Maybe none of it is - and maybe those are the ties that bind. In this instance, ‘truth’ is indeed, what will keep you bound to and at the mercy of your own history. Trying to create your future from your past is the recipe for a devastatingly disappointing life!
March 25th, 2008
Posted by
Louise |
Insights |
one comment
