I am redefining how I hold the notion of ‘more’.
There was a time when ‘more’ meant two cars instead of one; or one car but ‘higher end’ than this one. It also meant a 5000 square foot house instead of 2500 square feet; or two trips to Hawaii in the same year. I don’t even know how to think in those terms anymore.
The ‘more’ that I now think of is so much more difficult to describe or explain. It is the ‘more’ that profoundly changes me and leaves me without words as the pointers to help you see. I have no idea how or why, I just know that I am different.
The ‘more’ that now shapes my life is intangible… like smoke or mist rather than concrete or brick. The only thing permanent about it is its incessant capacity to morph into something else. I can’t always see it or touch it – I need to just trust that it’s there.
Part of the ‘more’ of my life is found in the recent explosion of powerful conversations with amazing women! On Friday, I spent two hours (that felt like 20 minutes) in conversation with Lisa and came away from that time together profoundly aware of having, yet again, become ‘more. There was no plan for that – just the willingness to be there, fully, in body, mind and spirit.
In that time together, the mist cleared and I could see. I saw co-creation as the ‘more’ that I am now stepping into; and I saw very clearly what/how that co-creation holds meaning in my life.
I have often said that, in my world, I cannot co-create if I can not create. If I am not able to bring the full measure of my presence into a Manifestation Spiral and bring into existence that which profoundly enlivens me, how can I hold myself as co-creator with another who can? Without this capacity to, first, create my world, I become support for – an assistant or helper – in another’s creation. There is nothing wrong with or bad about this – it is simply that I eventually become disenchanted and resentful. ’Creation’ requires focus and mindful intent, fueled by the desire to ‘manifest’ rather than work at. It also requires that we be totally, completely and fiercely unwilling to let go of what is meaningful to us!
The ‘more’ that I now seek is that of co-creation with others who are, clearly, the creators of their own experience. Women who are drawn forward into their Emerging Future and are passionate about their unwillingness to NOT manifest what they desire! In these moments, co-creation is not a matter of ‘working together’ but more one of paying attention to and watching for those naturally occurring, intersecting moments when my creation and their creation cross, creating a massive space for co-creation to be awakened and ignited! In that, there is such coalescence of the forces of manifestation that acceleration and expansion occur naturally – without effort, without plan and without struggle. Now, for me, THAT is what it’s all about!
In the ‘more ‘ of this co-creation, I stay focused on my intention to create that which is profoundly meaningful to me and for me. At the same time, I hold in my awareness – in the background of my mind – all that is being created by those with whom I engage. That’s all that is required – the rest falls into place in its own time and space. I need to be awake and present, to my own creation and to the presence of others and their desires/intentions to create what’s meaningful for and to them.
The ‘more’ that this represents goes beyond any linear, manageable journey. Co-creation occurs in bursts of genius and activity! It occurs in flashes of insight and layer upon layer of letting go, trusting, inviting and allowing. It occurs, not from any measurable or identifiable plan or strategy but from snippets of conversation that surface above the din of a collective conversation. It only occurs when and because I am willing and able to claim and own… to stand tall and visible and strong… in MY creation without losing it or myself to some external standard or interpretation that encourages me to become less that someone else may feel like more.
I am enthralled by the potential that co-creation invites and awakens. I am mesmerized by power of it all; and eager to press the edges and see what surfaces. There is nothing reasonable, logical or linear about co-creation. Explosions of this type offer up the magnificence of what appears to some as chaos and what others know to be gateways of potential. The key is to not lose mySelf.
It’s going to be an amazing year!
January 25th, 2009
Posted by
Louise |
Insights, leadership |
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Sometimes, I have to pause… and take a breath… and remind myself of how lucky I am. For a nano-second, I stand in awe of how fortunate I am that I am blessed to lead this life. And in the next nano-second, I am reminded by mySelf that I created it all!
This past week-end, 13 women gathered to discover what’s next. What an effortless experience it all was! No agenda, no handouts, no presentations, no notes…. just us – coffee/tea in hand, comfy chairs and each other.
For two days, we talked and we listened. At some times, tears of laughter; and at other times, tears of letting go. Through it all, not a single soul was lost or rescued, broken or fixed; and not a one was lost to herSelf.
We spoke of discovering that we are not alone. Strange – so frequently we have come together in other ways and yet, the notion of being alone had lingered.
In one breathtaking moment, one of the women said: “I know I am The One’. In truth, each of us knows : “I am The Only One who can carve out my life.”
I am The One who knows the truth that I carry inside. I choose to speak or silence the voice that I AM.
I am The One who determines the eyes through which I see. I choose the veil of history and repeat; or create the life that will emerge.
I am The One who knows a meaningful life from a practical one. I choose to be seen or fade inevitably into the shadows.
I am The One who creates the world that I call my own. I choose to sharpen the edges or allow my senses to be dulled.
I am The One who decides my fate. I choose LIFE or allow all that I carry to turn to dust.
I am The One. If not me, then who?
In two short days, each of us knew – in body, mind and spirit – that if it is to be, it’s up to me. If not me, then who?
If you’re life is to be, it’s up to you. If not you, then who?
Three years ago, in January 2006, I woke up and knew that I was no longer the same. Again, it plays itself out and I wonder: now what? I have a great sense of ‘knowing’ and yet no details. I trust completely and yet have no evidence to say that I should. And in these last two days, I have found myself in the company of others who have learned to trust the magic in themselves.
I am clear: the adventure has begun!
Breathing is good…
January 13th, 2009
Posted by
Louise |
Insights |
one comment
I am so present to those many, many moments in my life when I take a breath… exhale… and remind myself of the magnificence of my ‘imperfection’. For one whose life was driven for the first 30 years by being all that I thought others wanted me to be or would value….no, not true enough… would cherish me for being, I know well the dark despair that would press hard against my belly and chest and lock me into my tiny world. It seemed – and was, then – intelligent for me to hide myself away.
In those suffocating moments, I ‘knew’ that my life held no meaning to me/for me if it did not serve another. I ‘knew’ that being in service through intellect, will and skill were what made me welcome in the lives of others; what made me worthwhile and deserving of living, even in the puniest of ways. In those moments/days/weeks when I could not find it in myself to serve others, I could not be found by anyone else. I was buried so deep in my own self-loathing, my senses had shut down to all but my own small, frantic and repetitive inner voice of anguishing exhaustion, resentment and grief.
Long ago, my life changed – not in that there are no longer any such moments but in that I now hold those moments so differently. The magnificence of my ‘imperfections’ IS my call to awaken more deeply, in the truth of my Self. Without them, I stay lost in an external world that will only deplete me because I allow it to be so. With them, I discover a new world that sources and nourishes and sustains me – because I allow it to be so.
Over the years, it is not that these moments of ‘imperfection’ do not come, it is that (like you) I notice them more quickly, more easily and more lovingly and allow myself to move into them in full view of my world, rather than hide myself away until they release me from their death-grip. I have come to ‘know’ – without hesitation and without doubt – that my ‘imperfections’ ARE the gateways; and that without them, I am sentenced to a life without growth, without discovery and without the immense delight of always meeting the ‘more’ that is my destiny as a Quantum Biological Being!
I have discovered that as much as others can become ‘more’ with me in their lives, they are just fine without me. The question is: am I fine without me? Inevitably and mercilessly, the answers is always a resounding NO!
Choosing to live is choosing to recognize that I create it all – including my ‘imperfection’ of the moment that I might have guideposts…. markers on the treasure map of my own evolution… to embrace with fear, uncertainty and inner turmoil – but embrace, nonetheless. In that, greatness is born.
When women gather in small groups, talking… we do so in full recognition that WE ARE ALL OF IT! We are the grace and the elegance that invites and allows! We are the relentless and full force that presses – hard! – against the edges of our own limitations! We are the fierce roar of our own unwillingness to ever lose ourselves again! We are the open embrace that welcomes us – Self and other – home! And in combination of all of these, we are indeed the most powerful force to shape culture that has ever been known.
I, for one, am unwilling ever again in this lifetime to forget who I AM.
In this moment, I encourage you…
Remember who you are!
January 1st, 2009
Posted by
Louise |
Insights, leadership |
no comments
