… is my truth about me.
How foreign a notion is that? Like the vast majority of women, I had never been taught that the only truth that has any power in having an impact on my life is my truth about me. Not my truth about you (which you can’t hear, anyway) but the simple truth I carry inside myself, about myself, and am so terrified will be discovered by another.
Perhaps that is why we spend so much of our time ‘fussing’. We fuss over what happened yesterday. We fuss over what someone else said or did. We fuss over how someone else (sometimes a television or movie character!) is living their life! I remember long ago saying to my mother, as she was fussing about something : ’Fussing is something women do so that we can pretend we’re making a difference.” She was none too impressed. (Lucky for me, she’s my mother and believes herself obligated to love me because she gave birth to me. Score one for me! :)
Women gather in small groups, talking… as a way of moving through the world. Far too often, women gather in small groups and talk… about each other, about the past, about how it should or shouldn’t be. Women gather and define how someone else should live (i.e. giving advice) - sometimes face-to-face and sometimes only after that person has left.
Women gather and look to someone else for their answers, seeking wisdom from another that cannot possibly be found anywhere other than deep within the Self.
Women ‘talk about’ and ‘talk at’ each other. It is just so much easier than actually telling the truth… that much deeper, darker one that usually lies well-covered at the bottom of the soul. For all the ‘right’ reasons, we try desperately to keep that one to ourselves.
We are not bad, wrong or crazy! We are well trained. It’s that simple. It took me a while to discover that I was not deficient or defective – just disenfranchised; profoundly disconnected from the intuitive and innate truth that I carried as the unique and powerful being that I was… that I AM. And beyond that, trained to perfection in laying claim to a culturally conditioned belief that it didn’t really matter, anyway. After all, who would really care?
Well, I discovered, I care! And the most potent way for me to care is to turn inward and own what’s there. It doesn’t have to be genius, it just has to be mine. It doesn’t have to be complex or complicated, it just has to be authentic. And I don’t have to be like you or anyone else, I just have to know that in this breath, I am being me.
In the world of the Declaration of Evolution by Intention, I will be adding one more to the list of Beliefs/Values/Attitudes that, I believe, will take me to where I want to go. And that is: ”The only truth that can change my life is my truth about me. ” In my world, it is the only truth worth telling.
We need to learn how to do that. We need to be willing to discover how else we might ‘be’ in the world, redefined by our own desires to express and ‘be’. The paradox is: as long as I seek outside myself to discover how, I am not inside. There is greater discovery inside my own chaos than there will ever be outside in the advice of others.