Innocence
Today, a small group of women gathered… talking… each woman speaking to what mattered most to her in the moment. No agenda; no notes; no pre-determined outcome. Just each of us, in turn when we were drawn to, willing to be fully present, authentic and engage!
These women are passionate about living meaningful lives. As a result, the conversations are equally intense and frequently (ultimately and predictably) turn to include our early family experiences. As the Jesuits knew a long time ago, we are indeed, shaped by the time we’re seven. The good news is, it’ s not fatal! We can awaken to the effect of cultural conditioning (brain washing, mind share, etc - call it what sits best with you…) and choose to engage otherwise. However, to attempt to do so on a platform of pretending our history has not shaped us is a recipe for failure.
Part of this early family systems experience requires an acknowledgement of loss of innocence. In truth, I know of no one who has been spared. And the innocence of which I speak is not about youth or naivete. Nor is it necessarily a dictionary-bound definition of innocence – it is much more powerful than that.
The innocence of which I speak is tied to a capacity to trust the world, trust myself and trust my ability to not only navigate my world with safety but with a boundless sense of joy and adventure! It is a state of being that says ‘YES!’ to everything, knowing profoundly that I am creating my world as I go; and that the world I am creating will source and nurture and not only sustain me but allow me to grow and expand and become more!
The innocence of which I speak is a force of being… an outflow of energy that emanates from the core of who I AM… that says “This is my world and in my world, I am master of my own outcomes.” It is a force of being that trusts that all things are possible; that life will prevail; that choices determine outcomes and my choices are of my own design. This innocence… this state of being… allows me to look around at my world and find excitement and joy and adventure in everything that draws the eye. It is a way of seeing… a way of staying connected to mySelf and being able to connect to others. It is an open heart/open hand way of moving through from one moment to next, without any sense of harm existing as a possibility in my universe. Innocence as a force of being stands on a platform of complete safety – inside and out – and is fed by an insatiable curiosity about the ‘more’ for which (I believe) we are intended and designed.
And then, in the midst of all this, along comes ‘reality’. In the midst of my innocence ’state of being’, I am birthed into a context – a larger collective called ‘family’, however it is defined in my particular experience of it – and the innocence of who I AM now begins to unfold within the context of this larger collective. For far, far too many of us, those who shape and direct and mold this larger collective are themselves bereft of their own innocence, it having been taken a long, long time ago. Innocence lost will produce a sense of disconnect; innocence taken will produce vengeance and rage!
It is into these contexts that our own innocence seeks to express and survive. For most of us, we don’t stand a chance! So, we grow up in environments and in experiences where varying degrees of ‘assault’ are perpetrated upon the innocence of who we are on the inside, and the powerless of the small child that we are on the outside. For some, it is at the end of the continuum of being dismissed, disregarded or ignored. For others, it comes in the form of violence and assault of body, mind and spirit – whether directly on our being or witnessed in our own powerlessness as it is directed at others. No matter its content, its ultimate outcome is a deep and vast sense of betrayal – of Self, of our world and of the ability of our Self to function effectively in that world. And in that moment, I am lost to my innocence. I must disconnect in order to survive.
There is great power in innocence as a state of being. In that state of being, I am both willing and able to trust – mySelf and yourSelf. I am willing to engage and move forward. I am able to know that I can choose, I can create and I can manifest my life as a reflection of these. I am without fear – not because I talk myself into it, or affirm myself into it, but because there is, in truth, no fear that moves through my body. I am able to see what can be and am not blinded by what is. I touch and am touchable. I move through my life, moment to moment, with my eyes open, my heart beat strong and resonating through the world around me; and I recognize that I AM all things and all things are who and what I AM in my world.
In innocence as my state of being, I am able to see through the eyes of the godforce that I AM and in each moment, recognize the same in you. My desire is to engage with you to co-create a life worth living.
Is there any wonder that we must find ways to strip our children of this force? This is a force of being that transforms the nature of who and what we are. This is a force of being that can profoundly reshape our world. In addition, if I have long ago known this force in my own being and I have had this stripped from me, my longing drives me to destroy it in others. If I can’t have it, then neither can anyone else! And from one generation to the next, the deed is repeated until we no longer remember who we are.
Can innocence, as a state of being… as a force… be reclaimed? I believe so. And it requires, first, that we awaken from the deep, deep coma of ‘cultural conditioning’; from what we have been told is ‘the truth’ or ‘reality’; and that we bring the full measure of that formidable awakened presence to bear in all that we choose. A re-awakening, reclaimed innocence brings with it the will to claim all that we have already become and all that we might be – and we honour that in each other. Only by taking back who I AM in the world will I ever find a place to stand that I might honour your doing the same.
